Regrets

I don't believe in regrets. I think that every single thing in your life, no matter how seemingly insignificant, leads you to the place you are now and I think that to regret something is to regret what you have or who you are now. I am happy with the life I have now. Granted there are somethings I wish I had, i.e. money, my degree but all in all I am happy with my life and I am happy with the person that I have turned out to be. That being said I came to realize the other day that I do have one regret. It hit me like a ton of bricks and it has been tearing at me that I have this regret because there is nothing I can do about it.

A few weeks ago I was looking through some pictures on myspace that a friend has posted of our good old days at General Cinema. It was my first job when I was 16 and I had a blast! There were about 1 girl to every 4 guys so most of the friends that I made working there were guys. One of the guys was Tad, he was one of the managers and I had a massive crush on him! He and I flirted a lot when we worked together but nothing ever happened because he was my boss, he had a girlfriend and he was 20 or 21 and I was 16 or 17 ( I worked there for 2 years) but we became pretty good friends. He left General Cinema not too long before I did and ended up moving to New York for about a year. Around the same time that he left for New York I started dating Fernando, who I ended up dating for two years. Fernando was a very jealous guy. He did not like me talking to guys, especially guys that I had dated or ever been remotely attracted too. Fernando was a large deciding factor in me leaving the job at General Cinmea. The summer before my freshman year of college Tad moved back from New York and I ran into him just a few days after he got back. He and I talked a little but I was on my way somewhere so I gave him my phone number and he said he would call me. The very next day he did call me but I missed the call and he left a voice mail. I still remember what he said in the voice mail, he really like seeing me again and would like to get some coffee so we can catch up and he left his phone number. Fernando was standing right there when I checked my voice mail so I immediately deleted it because having a guy I used to have a crush on call me would have set him off. I never ended up getting together with Tad or even talking to him.

About two years ago I got an e-mail from some of my old General Cinema buddies because they were planning a memorial service for Tad. Apparently he had died suddenly the previous year from a brain aneurysm and I had no idea. Up until that point I though I would one day randomly run into Tad again and we could have that cup of coffee. I am fortunate to be married to a great man who is not even a little bit jealous and is confident in our relationship so a cup of coffee with an old friend would not have resulted in the world coming to an end. I regret that I won't ever get to talk to Tad again and I regret that I blew him off and I regret that I will never have a chance to say I am sorry and I regret that I let some stupid boyfriends jealousy make my decisions for me. I am sorry Tad. I'm sorry.

That's alot of regrets for someone that does not believe in regrets.

Getting hit on after having kids

So I am fairly confident in my looks. I am in no way saying that I am perfect, I know there are areas that could use some improvement but I don't think I would be wrong in thinking that my looks are better than average. I begin this blog with this big ol' ego stroke for a reason. 4 years ago I did not find it surprising when I got hit on or if a fella was interested in me but now that I have children I am really quite surprised at it. I am not talking about the random gentleman at the store telling me I am pretty and asking for my number because he has no way of knowing that I am married and have children (I am not currently wearing my engagement ring because it got bent when I punched a baseball and I have not been able to get it fixed). I am talking about the guys that aggresively persue me even though they know that I am married and have two kids. I want to ask one of these guys exactly what the ideal situation for them would be. Would it be for me to carry on a secret affair and not only destroy my marriage but also the lives of my children? Or do they want me to leave my husband and let them be my baby's daddy? Just what is their intention? I use to work at a bookstore and there was one guy who really thru me for a loop. He and I began working together after I came back from maternity leave so there was no way he did not know I was married with children. At first he just flirted with me and we would talk on our breaks but then it started to get weird. He would say things like " its hard having kids, it puts alot of strain on your relationship so if you ever need to talk..." and " most people who get married young don't make it for the long haul." What?! It would be one thing if I had talked with this guy about marital problems but I hadn't. Adam and I were extremely happy (and still are) and we just had a beautiful baby girl so for this guy to say these things was bizarre and totally out of left field. Anyone else had this kind of experience? How to you react to the guys that completely disregard the fact that you are in a happy relationship?